Category: animals/insects

Bulls: They’re like cows, you just have to work harder to get their milk out.

Whats the diffrence between panda’s and ginger? We’re trying to stop the panda’s dying out.

I struck lucky in the casino last night.. Apparently that’s ‘animal cruelty’ according to Geoff from security

Researchers at Bristol University say a breed of blood-sucking ticks has been discovered in the UK. Wait a minute, blood-sucking leeches appearing near the start of April? That’s just Inland Revenue!

My dog is my best friend. How sad does that make my social life?

I’ve just bought a load of giant African land snails. I don’t want to breed them or anything, I just want to dot them round the garden so the resident hedgehogs think they’re in the middle of a wonderful dream.

What’s the difference between me and a horse? About 10 inches.

Why did the Gallus gallus domesticus traverse the roadway? Because the agricultural overseer had not correctly maintained his fowl coop perimeter, taking the necessary precautions to avoid a potential escape of his stock which, accompanying the financial inconvenience, could in fact pose a threat to the motor vehicles upon the nearby roadway; also risking the […]

I’ve got a bird that can predict the future. It’s an omen pigeon.

My wife told me to have the house spotless before she got home. So I buried her dog Spot in the back garden.

What do Elephants have for their dinner? An hour, just like the rest of the animals.

My dog does great impressions of Third World children. He’s dead.

Last night I Tweeted asking if anyone was free to go out. Then my wife told me to stop trying to talk to birds, and to act my age.

I remember years ago, Waking up really early on christmas day, Running down stairs, Ripping open one of my presents… But unfortunately it was a puppy.

Dogs Trust: Dogs die in hot cars. In other unrelated news, I have sent my wife on a cross desert trip to Tesco.