Category: animals/insects

I phoned up the vet and said, “I am rather concerned about my pet, Millie. Every time the postman comes to my house, she barks.” The vet said, “Don’t worry about it, it is very normal for dogs to bark at postmen.” I said, “I know that, but Millie is my cat.”

FOR SALE, 3 Albino dalmation pups…….”Spotless”

Life is like watching a dog lick himself…full of impossible dreams

Man says to a camel, “whats the matter, you’ve got the hump” Camel replies “haha, but I’m a horse and it’s a tumor”

What do you call an Insect with an afro? A Frisbee

I love feeding stray cats….. To my dog.

I came home from work this evening and the dog was dead on the floor. I guess six months on an oil rig broke his heart!

I put a wasp through the scanner at Tesco’s. Cost me 27p.

My mother-in-law’s coming over. I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep.

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Banned from the local nature reserve.

I saw this baby sheep covered in plastic. Laminated.

And he said ‘My dog doesn’t eat meat’. I said ‘Why not?’. He said ‘We don’t give him any’

“Where’s Rover gone again daddy?” asked my little girl. “He’s gone to live on a farm darling, where there are lovely big fields he can run around in all day.” “That’s nice daddy. I’m so happy his legs must have grown back after you squashed them with the car.”

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Pedigree chum.

I like to give pigs red bull. Just to make a lot more things seem true.