Category: animals/insects

BBC News- Body parts found in shark. What else do they think a shark is made from?

Sometimes when I cut my toe nails I like to leave them all over the room. Just in case bugs need to use them as swords when they’re at war.

“Sponsor A Dog For Life by sending just two pounds a month, and your dog will write to you” Says the advert. Imagine my shock and disappointment when all I received was a signed photo of Kerry Katona!

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? They have big fingers.

So there is a picture on google of Mrs Obama edited to look like a gorilla. Wasn’t a very good editor if she looks the same if you ask me.

Inside Nature’s Giants. Last time I did that I got arrested at the zoo.

What do you call a monkey that flies? A hot air baboon.

I went fishing today, I caught all kinds of fish. Until they threw me out the aquarium.

I run a business selling homes for horses. It’s not great but it’s a stable income.

A worm struggles out of the general’s grave and eventually reaches the light of day, licking its lips in appreciation. “Well, I see why they gave him four stars.”

My hamster Abu had to have his paw amputated. Thinking of getting him a hook as a replacement.

I got banned from the zoo for breaking into the penguin enclosure… All I wanted to do was read the jokes

For a split second before you hit that rabbit in the car headlight, do you recon it thinks its about to be abducted by a UFO?

Changing weather patterns mean that animals are going to start to migrate differently. Personally I look forward to seeing Bill Oddie going to do some bird-watching in Norfolk and getting his head ripped off by a puma.

Last night I came home drunk and waxed lyrical in front of my girlfriend. Wouldn’t be so bad, but ‘Lyrical’ is her cat.