Category: animals/insects

What do you call a sleeping fish? A Kipper

Shark attack: ‘This was a rogue shark’ Unlike those friendly ones.

A man walks into a vet with a dead labrador in his arms. The Vet looks at the dog and says “sorry sir, your dog is dead” “I’d like a second opinion please” says the man laying his beloved animal on the table. “One moment sir” says the vet second vet comes in carrying a […]

It’s quite easy to teach a dolphin to use a mouse. You just point and click.

“My dog took first prize at the bird show!” “How?!” “He ate the prize canary…”

The wife’s got a new penfriend. Even pigs need someone to play with.

Cows should be seen and not herd.

My dog recently went missing so I got a pet detective. Although he doesn’t seem to like his cage very much.

How do lions like their steaks? Roar

Years ago I bought, as he described it, ‘the World’s biggest horse’ from Jeremy Beadle. Although I’m not sure his measurement of 45 hands was entirely accurate.

I’m trying to build up the courage today to tell my pets they are adopted

Scrambled eggs does sound a lot more appetising that crushed chicken’s periods.

My son is devastated because his hamster died after I washed it in soap powder. I don’t think the soap powder killed it, though… …it was probably the 800rpm spin cycle .

I saw a dead fox lying at the side of the road earlier. It was disgusting. Probably should’ve cooked it first…

How do you stop moles from digging up your garden? Hide the spades!