A relative of mine has be …
A relative of mine has been having a hard time financially recently after standing on an I.E.D. in Afghanistan. So I’ve loan him some money until he finds his feet.
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If it’s a random breath t …
If it’s a random breath test, why do they always pick the driver?
Continue ReadingSome people complain abou …
Some people complain about their job, but as a baggage handler, the world is my oyster… I’ve just been locked in the hold.
Continue ReadingWhenever I tell my wife t …
Whenever I tell my wife that we’re leaving, I always say “Let’s bounce.” Not because I think it sounds better than “Let’s move.” I just like to remind her that she doesn’t have any legs.
Continue Reading“Have Faith” And if she’s …
“Have Faith” And if she’s any good, have her again.
Continue ReadingWith babies, they say bre …
With babies, they say breast is best. I don’t mind which part I eat as long as there’s gravy.
Continue ReadingAs I sat watching my teen …
As I sat watching my teenage son sit in the living room spending hours varnishing his nails last night, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Maybe he’s not cut out to be a carpenter.”
Continue ReadingI was reading the paper i …
I was reading the paper in the Barbers today. Can’t believe it’s only 4 months till Christmas.
Continue ReadingYesterday i was looking t …
Yesterday i was looking through the app store for something to help me light a candle.. It just kept telling me ‘No matches found.’
Continue ReadingOn a train from London to …
On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. “You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me… Im me. I have Italian blood, French blood, […]
Continue Reading“Why do you always look a …
“Why do you always look at me like I’m something the cat dragged in?” Asked the severely dishevelled mouse.
Continue ReadingI saved a lot of money on …
I saved a lot of money on my car insurance… …By driving with no car insurance.
Continue ReadingIt was only after I had j …
It was only after I had jumped out the plane without a parachute that I realised the gravity of the situation.
Continue ReadingMy son surprised me with …
My son surprised me with a manual on altering trousers legs. I thought, ‘That’s a book for the turn-ups’.
Continue ReadingA teacher told me my daug …
A teacher told me my daughter was advanced for her age. I said, “I know, she’s got a great pair for a thirteen year old”.
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