Received an invite to a p …
Received an invite to a party today, written on a bottle of Ribena… Seems I was cordially invited
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I drove in to the petrol …
I drove in to the petrol station today. There was gas bottles, barbecue equipment and flowers scattered everywhere.
Continue ReadingMy wife doesn’t know much …
My wife doesn’t know much about football. This morning, she asked me, “What was the England score?” I said, “0-0.” She said, “Oh. What was the score at half time?”
Continue ReadingI’ve just got back from t …
I’ve just got back from the future. Don’t worry, the half price DFS sale hasn’t ended.
Continue ReadingToday I saw a sign that s …
Today I saw a sign that said ‘Hand Car Wash’. I thought I’d give it a try because the last guys who used their feet were pretty useless.
Continue ReadingHad a Boyled egg for my t …
Had a Boyled egg for my tea. It’s like a normal egg but slightly cracked.
Continue ReadingI was at work the other d …
I was at work the other day when I realised I’d forgotten something, so I told my boss calmly; ‘Sorry but I’m going to have to leave early, I’ve got to pick the kids up from school…before their parents get there.’
Continue ReadingI told a really funny jok …
I told a really funny joke about trees the other day. Not my normal style but figured I need to branch out.
Continue Readingi actually ran over a cat …
i actually ran over a cat today……9 times!…just to be sure!!
Continue ReadingDid you hear the joke abo …
Did you hear the joke about the little spastic boy who had metal calipers on his legs?… He swallowed a magnet and kicked himself to death!
Continue ReadingBoy 1 : We Broke Up, But …
Boy 1 : We Broke Up, But were still going to be friends Boy 2 : Thats like your dog dying and your mum telling you that you can keep it
Continue ReadingMy wife is always on my b …
My wife is always on my back. It gets very painful from time to time.
Continue ReadingI wanted to join the poli …
I wanted to join the police but I failed the screening process. I couldn’t even play ‘Every Breath You Take’.
Continue ReadingI went over to my mates h …
I went over to my mates house to see his new born son. His wife was sitting on the sofa holding him and said “Would you like to wind him?”. I thought that was a bit harsh, so I gave him a Chinese Burn instead.
Continue ReadingI had a dream in which my …
I had a dream in which my wife was involved in a car accident and tragically killed… i woke up in tears that morning… …because i realized she wasn’t actually dead.
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