A man goes into a library …
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on inconvenience. The librarian says; “Unfortunately, the last copy got borrowed not 3 minutes ago.”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
50% of British adults hav …
50% of British adults have never been for an eye test. They don’t know what they’re missing.
Continue ReadingMy wife is leaving me bec …
My wife is leaving me because my stories never make any sense. And that’s how I saved Christmas
Continue ReadingI bet my friend I could e …
I bet my friend I could erect a building in a week. I put my house on it.
Continue ReadingLying on the beach this g …
Lying on the beach this girl asked me to spray her back. Bit of a misunderstanding and now I’m in police custody
Continue ReadingI’ve spent all night watc …
I’ve spent all night watching the stupid football. I need to get a television.
Continue ReadingI was at the bus stop and …
I was at the bus stop and saw a poster of Voldemort with ‘HP 7’ printed on it. Kind of spoils the ending when you know he’s low on hit points.
Continue ReadingI just bought a dog and n …
I just bought a dog and named him ‘Achilles’. He’s not big or strong or anything, it’s just so that when I need him to come to me, I can yell, “Achilles! Heel!”
Continue ReadingA lot of jokes go straigh …
A lot of jokes go straight over my Indian mates head. Because I stuffed his turban with penguin wrappers.
Continue ReadingBarbers. You got to take …
Barbers. You got to take your hat off.
Continue ReadingMy son said, “What’s your …
My son said, “What’s your biggest regret dad?” I said, “I’m not sure son… Who’s taller, you or your brother?”
Continue ReadingTom-Tom have thought of e …
Tom-Tom have thought of everything. Not only is there a map showing you which way to go, but there are also voice directions so that blind drivers know which way to go. Especially the ones in BMW’s.
Continue ReadingThe issue with overcrowdi …
The issue with overcrowding is if we put whites in Prisms all the colours will get out.
Continue ReadingThe pressure was really o …
The pressure was really on in the pub quiz the other night. It fell to me to answer the tie-break question on behalf of my team. ”What does Quasimodo, the bell-ringer of Notre Dame, have on his back?” I really wasn’t sure, but I went with a hunch.
Continue ReadingI was visiting the Bishop …
I was visiting the Bishop, when the Archbishop turned up. Somehow, I don’t quite trust him.
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