We are doing Secret Santa …
We are doing Secret Santa at my work. Apparently the presents have to be at least 10 pounds. I’m buying my person 5 bags of sugar.
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If the zombie apocalypse …
If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I’m just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.
Continue ReadingLife is like a box of cho …
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get unless you choose your own selection and use the clear descriptions on the packaging along with helpful photographs of each individual type so you don’t get confused.
Continue ReadingWhen my uncle died, I had …
When my uncle died, I had him rapped in copper wire and buried in a magnetic coffin under a wind turbine. He must be spinning in his grave.
Continue ReadingWhy did the little girl f …
Why did the little girl fall over? Because I threw a brick at her head!
Continue ReadingI’m bringing out a new ra …
I’m bringing out a new range of petfoods with flavours they’ll really love. For cats there will be: Mouse, Canary, Frog and Goldfish and for dogs; Rabbit, Cat, Sheep with an extra special flavour for pit bulls and rotweillers “Grandchild’s Face”
Continue ReadingMe and my wife have been …
Me and my wife have been told we can’t have children. She turned to me today and said “I think in vitro fertilization is the option we should go for. I think that could work.” I looked at her. Her eyes, filling up with tears looking at me for hope. “OK, just be careful about […]
Continue ReadingCNET user discussions: “. …
CNET user discussions: “…you really are and idiot” not the phrase to make a typo
Continue ReadingI once spent 24 hours in …
I once spent 24 hours in a meadow. Had a field day.
Continue ReadingMy Ex-Wife claims that wh …
My Ex-Wife claims that when I have the kids for their monthly visit I just spoil them and throw money at them. You want the see the bruise a 50p coin can make between ones eyes if executed correctly from 2 metres.
Continue ReadingCan you go chav-hunting f …
Can you go chav-hunting for your D of E? It’s a community service, right?
Continue ReadingI was always taught to th …
I was always taught to think on my feet. Which is why I could never sit exams.
Continue ReadingTwo wrongs don’t make a r …
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Three lefts do.
Continue ReadingWhy doesn’t facebook auto …
Why doesn’t facebook automatically show you the one new post? ——————————– Why doesn’t sickipedia?
Continue ReadingI couldn’t quite see what …
I couldn’t quite see what the sign said, so I stood up. It said “Keep your head down”.
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