My Grandad is going senil …
My Grandad is going senile. When he saw a sign saying “Wet Floor”. He did!!!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
What is the difference be …
What is the difference between a market trader and a sausage dog?? A market trader bawls out his wears on the pavement..
Continue ReadingIt is estimated that it h …
It is estimated that it has cost the British taxpayer 2.3 million to pay for the Pope’s visit. They obviously never heard of Ryanair, return tickets from Rome start at 48.
Continue ReadingThis is the last time I t …
This is the last time I tell anybody that I do not want to be cloned. I will not repeat myself.
Continue ReadingA tramp stopped me in the …
A tramp stopped me in the street earlier. “Any odd change on you mate?” He frowned. “Only even sorry,” I replied.
Continue ReadingWindows: “You may be the …
Windows: “You may be the victim of software counterfeiting…” Me: no Microsoft, it is you who is the victim of software counterfeiting here, not I.
Continue ReadingWhile walking past the ci …
While walking past the cinema I discovered that the only reason the lines for Twilight are so long is that they consist of nothing but fat girls.
Continue Reading“Question all authority” …
“Question all authority” Why should I?
Continue Reading“Come on kids, we’re goin …
“Come on kids, we’re going to play on the slides!” – The inventor of PowerPoint, shortly before his children stopped loving him
Continue ReadingA mouse walks into a musi …
A mouse walks into a music shop and asks the shopkeeper for a mouth organ. The shopkeeper says “Thats strange your the second mouse in here this morning asking for a mouth organ” The mouse replied Yeah – Thats probably our Monica!!!!
Continue ReadingA friend asked me yesterd …
A friend asked me yesterday why I keep going to my local cornershop as opposed to a big supermarket like Tesco. ‘It’s Nisa,’ I replied.
Continue ReadingTypical necrophilliacs. A …
Typical necrophilliacs. Always digging up the past.
Continue ReadingEnjoy your spliffs, folks …
Enjoy your spliffs, folks. The only home grown I get is when the wife sighs wistfully.
Continue ReadingToday I delivered a packa …
Today I delivered a package to a man in jail. He got what was coming to him.
Continue ReadingI renewed my drivers lice …
I renewed my drivers license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica.
Continue Reading