What do you call a guy wi …
What do you call a guy with a load of workout equipment on his head? Jim
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I bought a new dog yester …
I bought a new dog yesterday. I’ve named him Rolex…….he’s a watchdog
Continue ReadingPoverty… When the Pound …
Poverty… When the Pound coins down inside the sofa are worth more than the sofa..
Continue ReadingMy mate was mysteriously …
My mate was mysteriously kidnapped two months ago, and then the same happened to his daughter just a few days later. She’s always taken after her dad.
Continue ReadingRoses are red Violets are …
Roses are red Violets are blue I’ve got five fingers And the middle one’s for you
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend bet me that …
My girlfriend bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of vermicelli. You should’ve seen her face as I drove pasta.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been on a popul …
I’ve just been on a popular fat singer’s fansite, and wrote: If I post something here that’s random, irrelevant and insulting to her large [number of] fans, in the hope of provoking a response… …Would that be “Trolling in the deep”?
Continue ReadingI went to the Planetarium …
I went to the Planetarium yesterday, I dont think i was welcome… the whole atmosphere changed as soon as i walked in.
Continue Readingso… walked into the T-m …
so… walked into the T-mobile today to find out how long’s left on my phone contract, entering the shop I noticed the man behind the desk was a bit dumb looking, but keeping an open mind I thought no James don’t judge a book by its cover and stop judging people, so I approached the […]
Continue ReadingGetting old is a bit like …
Getting old is a bit like getting drunk; everyone else looks brilliant.
Continue ReadingI was on the plane coming …
I was on the plane coming back from holiday. The Air hostess was going through the safety procedures, when she got to the part where she said, “In the event of a water landing your seat cushion can be used as a floatation aid” Then some bloke shouted from the back “If the plane cannot […]
Continue ReadingToday I unleashed the dog …
Today I unleashed the dogs
Continue Reading“Armless pianist wins tal …
“Armless pianist wins talent show”. That’s amazing, he really should give himself a pat on the back.
Continue ReadingI had a plasterer round e …
I had a plasterer round earlier He said “Mate, you need the paramedics for a broken leg”
Continue ReadingI have recently learned m …
I have recently learned my unhealthy eating habits have clogged up my arteries and left me in desperate need of a heart transplant. In fact, just yesterday I consulted with an advisor over the future I can expect and discussed my choices, when he said “So Sir, describe your perfect donor” In hindsight, my response, […]
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