Apparently Matt Damon bel …
Apparently Matt Damon believes in two things: Sequels, and reincarnation. Basically, he thinks he’ll be Bourne again.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Hispanic. An amateur bull …
Hispanic. An amateur bullfighter.
Continue ReadingI see Miss Beckham is alr …
I see Miss Beckham is already on a diet trying to lose that baby weight. “She will never fit into her new born designer clothes at a chunky 7lb 10” said Posh.
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference be …
What is the difference between a midget and a freak? Political correctness
Continue ReadingI’ve just called BAA. I d …
I’ve just called BAA. I do other farmyard animals too.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a builde …
What do you call a builder who’s 4 hours late? A day earlier than expected.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend bought a ne …
My girlfriend bought a new toaster from argos last week. It wasn’t working when she got home so she decided to ring the customer helpline. The guy who answered the phone asked her for the barcode so he could see the product details. ‘no problem’ she said ‘thin line, thin line, thick line…’
Continue ReadingI love my ridiculously sl …
I love my ridiculously slow internet. Everyday I’m buffering.
Continue ReadingI liked that film where a …
I liked that film where angry football fans wear masks and go after the evil dictator. FIFA Vendetta.
Continue ReadingI was walking down the st …
I was walking down the street when a guy started mugging me: “Give me any legally recognised organisations that you have that supply good or services to consumers, NOW!” I thought, “He means Business”.
Continue ReadingSat next to my wife, I sl …
Sat next to my wife, I slowly took out my fingers and they gave off a strong, fishy smell. I’m writing my letter of complaint to Cadbury as we speak.
Continue ReadingI’ve just restored an old …
I’ve just restored an old canon to it’s former glory! I can’t wait to shoot people I dislike and watch the blinding flash from a safe distance. Shame its loaded with film and not gun powder.
Continue ReadingI’ve quit my new job as a …
I’ve quit my new job as a postman. They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: “This isn’t for me.”
Continue ReadingYears ago I bought, as he …
Years ago I bought, as he described it, ‘the World’s biggest horse’ from Jeremy Beadle. Although I’m not sure his measurement of 45 hands was entirely accurate.
Continue ReadingI went to visit my Scotti …
I went to visit my Scottish cousin in the summer holidays. I asked, “What shall we do tomorrow?” He replied, “Do you fancy going to shoot some hoops?” I thought, that’s a great idea. I turned up in my Michael Jordan top with my basketball. He turned up in his Rangers top with a gun.
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