I went over to my friend’ …
I went over to my friend’s house, and he told me to treat the house like it was my own. So I sold it.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Some people are really un …
Some people are really ungrateful. I took my girlfriend’s rucksack and carried it for her the other day. She wasn’t very happy, we were free-falling at the time.
Continue ReadingI’m not too sure what to …
I’m not too sure what to do with this kilo of cocaine that I found on the beach. I suppose that I’ll just have to deal with it.
Continue ReadingA woman knocked at my doo …
A woman knocked at my door today asking if I’d be willing to give just 2 pounds to a 6 year old african orphan. I said I’m no ogre love, If he works hard enough he can have a fiver.
Continue ReadingAfter hearing the Police’ …
After hearing the Police’s appeal for the rapist to come forward, I spent hours wrestling with my conscience and decided that tomorrow I’d do the right thing. And play cards with my paranoia.
Continue ReadingI work at the Royal Mint …
I work at the Royal Mint and, to be honest, I make a lot of money.
Continue ReadingIf you have eaten Lloyd G …
If you have eaten Lloyd Grossman’s sauce and fear Botulism. Please korma down.
Continue ReadingA horse walks into a bar …
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barman says, “Why the long face?” Observing closely from the other side of the bar, I realised my LSD addiction had gone too far.
Continue ReadingI was in the offices of t …
I was in the offices of the inland revenue the other day and the bird behind the counter was in a wheelchair. I could see everyone else in the Q carefully avoiding the issue and being polite. here are my returns you legless spastic said I Then security came out and did me for tact […]
Continue ReadingI used to collect the med …
I used to collect the medical magazines “Areas Of The Body”. I’ve got the entire back catalogue.
Continue ReadingI must have the smartest …
I must have the smartest dog in the world. I once asked him what 7 times 7 minus 49 was – he said nothing.
Continue ReadingFacebook group – ‘now tha …
Facebook group – ‘now that i think about it, i have never seen a chinese policeman’. Funny that, I’ve seen dozens. Or maybe just one.
Continue ReadingMy wife and kids couldn’t …
My wife and kids couldn’t sleep last night because of the constant sound of police sirens and helicopters. At 3am this morning she screamed something but I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying through all the noise. An hour later I turned around and saw her standing in the doorway clutching the hands […]
Continue ReadingHit a child at 70. And th …
Hit a child at 70. And there’s a 90% chance it’s because it stole your Worther’s Originals.
Continue ReadingI fed the cat dog food ye …
I fed the cat dog food yesterday… … woke up this morning and he looked a bit Rough.
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