Why was six afraid of sev …
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.
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Some little kid just ran …
Some little kid just ran up and shot me in the back of the head with a foam dart. I thought, “He’s got a nerf!”.
Continue ReadingMy dad always said ‘ be g …
My dad always said ‘ be good and if you can’t be good,be careful’. Wise words from the man who knocked up a fat minger.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a sure fire tip …
I’ve got a sure fire tip for you. The red bit on the end of a matchstick.
Continue ReadingBREAKING NEWS …… Live …
BREAKING NEWS …… Liverpool FC will be taken over on Monday by South African businessman Dave King and Glasgow restauranteur Satti Singh. They will then be known as the Singh King ship.
Continue ReadingPremature greyness is her …
Premature greyness is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Continue ReadingI think my wifes hallucin …
I think my wifes hallucinating, She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Continue ReadingI was thinking of trying …
I was thinking of trying to get across a body of water in Louisiana on foot, but I knew I would have to move quickly to avoid sinking, so I thought I’d check with my friend if he thought it was possible. I said- ”Right mate, so I’m going to run this bayou…..”
Continue ReadingSky News: Libya Plane Cra …
Sky News: Libya Plane Crash Survivor Flies Home “I bet he was looking forward to that flight?”
Continue ReadingWhat’s pink and sounds te …
What’s pink and sounds terrible? Pink.
Continue ReadingAs I was walking through …
As I was walking through central London in the early hours of this morning, I kept seeing people sleeping in shop doorways and alleys. I thought they would’ve been grateful when I woke them up to tell them that they had missed the royal wedding and it was time to go home, but if anything […]
Continue ReadingI watching the lightning …
I watching the lightning out of my window last night, and I began to wonder how it all actually happens. Then it struck me.
Continue ReadingJust met Darth Vader’s co …
Just met Darth Vader’s corrupt brother. Taxi Vader.
Continue Reading“I made a new discovery a …
“I made a new discovery at work today,” I said to my wife with a chuckle. “You’ve worked at Land Rover for a week, and that joke’s already wearing thin,” she groaned.
Continue ReadingWhen push comes to shove, …
When push comes to shove, you’re probably delivering the baby wrong.
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