Some idiot has installed …
Some idiot has installed the new ceiling fans in our office way too low, there’s one literally about a foot above my desk. There’s no wayI’m going to stand for that.
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The back of a packet of W …
The back of a packet of Walkers crisps now reads: Now with no Artificial colourings, flavours or crisps!
Continue ReadingA new Indian cafe just op …
A new Indian cafe just opened in my town. Well we did need a New Delhi..
Continue ReadingWho is the Patron Saint o …
Who is the Patron Saint of Australian problems? St. ruth
Continue ReadingRaising pigs, pretty boar …
Raising pigs, pretty boaring work if you ask me.
Continue ReadingSo I was jumping away on …
So I was jumping away on a homeless man, when I wondered why I wasn’t getting a good bounce. Turns out there is no abbreviation for a ‘trampoline’
Continue ReadingI found out why Toblerone …
I found out why Toblerone is triangular today. So it fits in the box.
Continue ReadingThe people in the pub lau …
The people in the pub laughed and thought that I was an idiot for putting ten grand on the world not ending today. They won’t be laughing tomorrow when the black man comes back giving me my twenty grand winnings.
Continue ReadingI had to make the biggest …
I had to make the biggest decision of my life today. Social Services made me choose between my daughter and alcohol. For all the right reasons I decided to give up Stella. Stupid name for a kid anyway.
Continue ReadingSaw – The Uncut Version S …
Saw – The Uncut Version So, completely pointless then?
Continue ReadingI gave this fit young bir …
I gave this fit young bird a good seeing to last night There again, I am a CAT scan operator.
Continue ReadingLanded in Saudi Arabia to …
Landed in Saudi Arabia to see a mate and showed him the bag of pot I snuck into the plane. “Flush that or your gonna get stoned!” What an idiot, that’s what pot is suppose to do!
Continue ReadingWhen making love, I prefe …
When making love, I prefer the missionary position. I think it’s the starving Africans that do it for me.
Continue ReadingI cant believe the costa …
I cant believe the costa coffee these days.
Continue ReadingI jokingly said to my blo …
I jokingly said to my blonde girlfriend, “I got you a new solar-powered sunbed Darling.” “Great! Where is it then?” “Outside.” “I can’t see anything.” She said, walking back from the window. “Seriously? You can’t miss it. It’s that big green square beside the path.”
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