I just saw a van drive by …
I just saw a van drive by with the company name “Seafood Solutions” I have to admit, I didn’t know that seafood was a problem.
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Sold my daughters virgini …
Sold my daughters virginity to a family member. She doesn’t know yet. Her uncle Steve won. That’s not MY brother, its my wife’s brother, in case you thought I was a sicko.
Continue ReadingReligion deifies the laws …
Religion deifies the laws of physics.
Continue ReadingI spiked my mother-in-law …
I spiked my mother-in-laws drink last night. She shouldn’t have been sitting so close to the volleyball court.
Continue ReadingI bought a book called “T …
I bought a book called “The A-Z of Tribute Bands”, I read it from cover to cover
Continue ReadingTime travel is going to h …
Time travel is going to have been confusing.
Continue ReadingYou’re never in the right …
You’re never in the right with kids. First the daughter insisted that I sent the dog out. Now the son wants me to let mummy back in.
Continue ReadingMy mate has a new fridge …
My mate has a new fridge which he thinks is pretty cool. Well I’ve got a new freezer that I think is even cooler.
Continue ReadingWant to plan your route t …
Want to plan your route through a forest infested with poisenous bees, whilst half naked and having to carry the stripper you got knocked up the night before because you’re trying to escape from the man-eating beaver humming the pink panther theme tune? There’s an App for that.
Continue ReadingI love having Sky+. It me …
I love having Sky+. It means I can simply fast forward through all the annoying charity appeals.
Continue ReadingMillion dollar idea: ask …
Million dollar idea: ask one million people for a dollar.
Continue ReadingI was locked in a house o …
I was locked in a house of cards earlier. It was solitaire confinement.
Continue ReadingRight, it just took me 10 …
Right, it just took me 10 minutes to get on. Who’s dead now?
Continue ReadingI met a girl last night a …
I met a girl last night and took her back to my house. There I added it to my collection of spines.
Continue ReadingDue to a lack of funding, …
Due to a lack of funding, the ISPCC can only respond to half the problems faced by children… So basically, i have a 50-50 chance of getting away with it?
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