I went fishing today and …
I went fishing today and caught a perch. The bird that was sat on it wasn’t very impressed.
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Does anyone else notice t …
Does anyone else notice the irony of when somebody says; “I’m speechless”
Continue Reading“If Carlsberg created the …
“If Carlsberg created the perfect woman, she’d probably look like this: Kelly Brook dons tiny red jumpsuit to promote beer.” So, a women with no talent or credibility with enough ‘slap’ on to help her appear ‘attractive’ and ‘appealing’ to the commercial market….Kind of like the beer then.
Continue ReadingJust went round to my fri …
Just went round to my friends house. His mother said he was still in bed. So i went up, knocked on his door, and no answer… I went into his room to find his bed made, his red and white striped hat on the bed, his red and white striped jumper hung up, and his […]
Continue ReadingPlaying Zynga poker on Fa …
Playing Zynga poker on Facebook is equivalent to playing the national lottery home board game.
Continue ReadingI found a website today f …
I found a website today for anorexics, it boasts about being the largest one. Oh the irony.
Continue ReadingMy mother always used to …
My mother always used to tell me that anything new I come across makes me wiser person. This would include anything I read, any person I interact with, and anything I experience in life. I actually believed her until I read Youtube comments.
Continue ReadingMy teacher told me today …
My teacher told me today that being clever doesn’t suit me. She’s just jealous because I got one over on her earlier when I was asked what I thought wiped out the dinosaurs. I said, ‘your board rubber Miss.’
Continue ReadingThe couple who won 161 mi …
The couple who won 161 million on EuroMillions say they’ll be buying a ticket in the next lottery. Hats off to the Weirs for nurturing our beliefs about Scottish people.
Continue ReadingI spent yesterday sitting …
I spent yesterday sitting by a giant hole in the ground watching people fall in. It was strange because by the time they dragged themself out, dazed and confused the only thing they all wanted to know was why I had chalk in my hand.
Continue ReadingBreaking News: The act of …
Breaking News: The act of smashing up newspapers.
Continue ReadingI was at the gym this mor …
I was at the gym this morning, and I spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat. Tomorrow I might switch it on.
Continue ReadingFor Sale: Golden Retrieve …
For Sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold. Should have just bought metal detector.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife always fi …
Me and the wife always fight when we stand in doorways. We’re arch rivals.
Continue ReadingAs the policeman brought …
As the policeman brought me into the room to identify the notoriously violent and vindictive thug I had seen half killing a dozen men, I couldn’t help thinking…. Shouldn’t I be on the other side of this two-way mirror?
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