What do you call a guy wh …
What do you call a guy who owns a brothel? Humphrey.
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A bad workman blames his …
A bad workman blames his fools EDIT: *tools stupid keyboard.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me because I don’t take any risks. I’m sorry but Mint Sauce is for Lamb, not Beef.
Continue ReadingKnock knock Who’s there? …
Knock knock Who’s there? Kanger Kanger who? Boing boing boing
Continue ReadingI tried to view some old …
I tried to view some old emails from when I was at school. I don’t know who emailed me but hotmale.com is NOT what I remember.
Continue ReadingI was standing in the bat …
I was standing in the bathroom today, and god was it difficult. I tried thinking of burst pipes, that were spurting water at a hundred miles an hour. I tried thinking of a waterfall, from which crystal-clear water was cascading down and engulfing the earth. I even tried thinking of a broken sink, in which […]
Continue ReadingA friend of mine recently …
A friend of mine recently told me that he was “in the closet” until the was 23. That must have been the longest game of hide and seek in history.
Continue ReadingThere are only two types …
There are only two types of honest people in this world. Small children and drunk people.
Continue ReadingMy wife has just come in …
My wife has just come in and said she’s got style. “Yeh, I know” I replied, “It leads in to your field you fat cow.”
Continue ReadingThe sun: 20 stone woman s …
The sun: 20 stone woman stuck on slide at butlins. how hard can it be? just let a man design it instead.
Continue ReadingToo cut a long story shor …
Too cut a long story short… …You need some scissors.
Continue ReadingRunning up to the 2012 pa …
Running up to the 2012 paralympics; as creative co-oridinator, it’s my job to create new events for the paralympics. I thought of wheelchair pole vault but it didn’t really take off.
Continue ReadingMy workmates accused me o …
My workmates accused me of being delusional. So I downed my pint of unicorn tears and flew away on my Pegasus.
Continue ReadingI will never forget the t …
I will never forget the time I beat Jeremy Beadle at Poker. It was quite easy really I had a better hand than him.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked my advice o …
My mate asked my advice on which dogs are best to take on a duck shoot. I gave him a couple of pointers.
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