I left the bath running t …
I left the bath running the other night. It was only when I got half way up my street that I realised I had no clothes on.
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My son said he wished he …
My son said he wished he was more like Harry Potter. So I locked him under the stairs and gave him a scar across his face.
Continue ReadingI was going to tell a jok …
I was going to tell a joke about Anthony Worrall Thompson shoplifting. But I reckon you’ll all whine because it’s too cheesy.
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the gu …
Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a bowl of Muesli? He was dragged under by a strong current.
Continue ReadingI’m not saying your child …
I’m not saying your child is ugly… I’m just saying you will never have to worry about paedophiles.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get if you ea …
What do you get if you eat a hand full of spiders,beetles and woodlouse! A stomach bug …
Continue ReadingBBC News: Vietnam shoe pl …
BBC News: Vietnam shoe plant fire kills 17. I didn’t know they’d made a plant that grew shoes.
Continue ReadingI went to Uni to learn ab …
I went to Uni to learn about being single. Got a bachelors degree
Continue ReadingSome people say I’m disor …
Some people say I’m disorganised. I’m too busy christmas shopping to pay any attention
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend recently ha …
My girlfriend recently had a phantom pregnancy. We now have a little baby ghost.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me if I kne …
My mate asked me if I knew what modifiers were. I said “More or less”.
Continue ReadingI try to avoid deadlines …
I try to avoid deadlines when fisting.
Continue ReadingIf you’ve never sent a pa …
If you’ve never sent a pair of your dirty panties to a soldier, then freedom obviously means nothing to you.
Continue Reading‘100% Yes!’ ‘1000% Yes!!’ …
‘100% Yes!’ ‘1000% Yes!!’ ‘1,000,000% Yes!!!’ I wish the X Factor judges would stop trying to top each other… and just top themselves.
Continue ReadingLooks like Keith Floyd ha …
Looks like Keith Floyd had a long standing heart problem Apparently it had been simmering for some time.
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