My wife is divorcing me f …
My wife is divorcing me for being stupid. I know I’m not the sharpest star in the sky but I’m not stupid
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I saw a plastic surgeon t …
I saw a plastic surgeon the other day. I’m hoping for one made of flesh and blood the next time.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Paki c …
What do you call a Paki copper on ITV cop show The Bill? Sunil.
Continue ReadingI just poked my daughter …
I just poked my daughter on facebook, glad thats the foreplay out the way…
Continue ReadingI saw a homeless man the …
I saw a homeless man the other day shouting “big issues, big issues!” So I took off my size 13 trainers and handed them to him
Continue ReadingIf Michael Barrymore want …
If Michael Barrymore wanted to come out of the closet earlier why didn’t he just take his wife swimming?
Continue ReadingLike my girlfriend, my eg …
Like my girlfriend, my ego is inflated.
Continue Reading50% of Americans don’t be …
50% of Americans don’t believe in the theory of evolution. An extra 38% believe God uses evolution to create things. So that leaves only a very small percentage who are well… Correct.
Continue ReadingI don’t know how we manag …
I don’t know how we managed without the internet. In the days before Wikipedia, I had to go to the actual library to carefully cut pages out of the Britannica and replace them with ones full of glaring factual inaccuracies.
Continue ReadingEveryone says I lack empa …
Everyone says I lack empathy but I couldn’t care less.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Jay-Z’s favourite …
What’s Jay-Z’s favourite toy? A yo-yo.
Continue ReadingThe death of Paul the Oct …
The death of Paul the Octopus will be inked all over the newspapers by tomorrow
Continue ReadingIronik got stabbed last n …
Ironik got stabbed last night. A black rapper getting stabbed? He’s certainly living up to his name.
Continue ReadingWhat’s better than winnin …
What’s better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
Continue ReadingAt school I was always ge …
At school I was always getting in trouble for fighting, throwing things and disrupting lessons. But I never once regret my years as a teacher.
Continue Reading