The brain is the most imp …
The brain is the most important organ you have …According to the brain
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An obese guy was asked “w …
An obese guy was asked “why are you so fat?” He replied “because ((-1)/64)”.
Continue ReadingI worry about my nan. If …
I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, She’s dead.
Continue ReadingWhy were 3 Asian universi …
Why were 3 Asian university students recently arrested? For running a math lab.
Continue ReadingRevision – Everytime I do …
Revision – Everytime I do it it feels like I seen it all before.
Continue ReadingI’ve been really depresse …
I’ve been really depressed about my weight recently. I feel like going to the top of the nearest building and hurling myself off. But I’m sure I’ll bounce back.
Continue Reading‘It’s the quiet ones that …
‘It’s the quiet ones that you’ve got to watch’ Especially at mime shows.
Continue ReadingAfter that whale ate him, …
After that whale ate him, I bet Jonah cancelled his subscription to green peace.
Continue ReadingWe’ve just had some guest …
We’ve just had some guests round for the wife’s famous Sunday dinner… To be fair, countless have gone on to lead a fairly normal life.
Continue ReadingMy Blonde Wife just asked …
My Blonde Wife just asked me, “Whats the scariest movie you have ever seen?”. I replied, “Our Wedding Video is pretty scary”. She said, “Whats it about?”.
Continue ReadingI seriously doubt the int …
I seriously doubt the intelligence of the philosopher who came up with “What will be will be”. I’m going to go ahead right now and claim the following- “What has been, has been”, “What won’t be, won’t be”, and “What could have been, could have been.”.
Continue ReadingNo matter how much I plea …
No matter how much I plead, my wife flatly refuses to get a breast enlargement.
Continue ReadingDespite removing all the …
Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a Church window cleaner.
Continue ReadingWhen my castle was under …
When my castle was under attack I sent out my last remaining knight to do battle. I shouted “I will never give in!” My enemy replied “Is that your final lancer?”
Continue ReadingWomen, here is a reason t …
Women, here is a reason that you will never be equal to men. I asked my girlfriend to record something for me on ITV2 +1. She recorded ITV3.
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