Welcome back to the world …
Welcome back to the world ironing championship where the drama is unfolding.
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What’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between me and a blind man? A blind man would be happy to see my wife.
Continue ReadingSometimes when my interne …
Sometimes when my internet is down, I forget that the rest of my computer still works.
Continue ReadingLast week I decided to re …
Last week I decided to read the dictionary. It didn’t take me long, after 5 chapters I had already reached the end.
Continue ReadingNow remember children, AL …
Now remember children, ALWAYS use the Green Cross Code: When you see a red man you must wait. When you see a green man you may carefully cross the road. When you see a black man you must run for your life. He’s got a knife and he wants your pocket money.
Continue ReadingWant to keep the Doctor a …
Want to keep the Doctor away? There’s an Apple for that.
Continue ReadingWas walking through the p …
Was walking through the perfume stands in Debenhams today when a saleswoman came up to talk to me. “Oh, you smell nice, what fragrance is it you are wearing, Obsession by Calvin Klien?” To which I replied, “nope, it’s Lynx by.. two get one free”.
Continue ReadingFor sale. Modified DeLo …
For sale. Modified DeLorean DMC-12. No timewasters.
Continue ReadingWhen I’m sad I like to cu …
When I’m sad I like to cut myself… …a nice slice of chocolate cake.
Continue ReadingI can’t even begin to cou …
I can’t even begin to count the number of beads that just fell off my abacus
Continue ReadingHuman being | (H)yoo man …
Human being | (H)yoo man bee ing) | n. A creature who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes ‘Save Trees’ on the same paper.
Continue ReadingAlcohol killed my Dad. He …
Alcohol killed my Dad. He was run over by a Carlsberg Lorry.
Continue ReadingNever go to a barber that …
Never go to a barber that is next door to a busy hat shop
Continue ReadingMy mate text me saying he …
My mate text me saying he’d seen one of the characters from This Is England. “Lol” I replied… “No, it was Shaun” He sent back.
Continue ReadingI’m a great bird handler, …
I’m a great bird handler, my technique is impeccable.
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