Time it takes for your pe …
Time it takes for your pet to care that you’ve fallen over and can’t get up. Dog- 2 minutes Cat- Feeding time
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I’ve just had one of thos …
I’ve just had one of those new sponge front doors fitted. Don’t knock it…..
Continue ReadingI have a love/hate relati …
I have a love/hate relationship with ambiguity.
Continue ReadingMy daughter screamed as s …
My daughter screamed as she found blood in the toilet, It’s funny, I thought 8 flushes would have shifted a rabbit…
Continue ReadingHow does a politician sle …
How does a politician sleep? First he lies on one side then he lies on the other.
Continue ReadingDuring lunch break at sch …
During lunch break at school once, I took a cricket ball to the head. He said, “What have you brought me this for?”
Continue ReadingI’ve taken up archery and …
I’ve taken up archery and make my own arrows but they never stick in anything I fire them at. Am I missing the point?
Continue ReadingMy baby won’t stop crying …
My baby won’t stop crying. He was born with an onion for a head.
Continue ReadingI think McDonalds are run …
I think McDonalds are running out of ideas. I just ordered a Happy Meal and got a bag of anti-depressants.
Continue ReadingI once had my arm in a ca …
I once had my arm in a cast, but I’m not here to reminisce about my days in musical theatre.
Continue ReadingI took this girl to a fan …
I took this girl to a fancy restaurant and tried to impress her by ordering in Italian. It was awkward. Apparently there’s no Italian word for Lamb Biryani.
Continue ReadingI was just chatting with …
I was just chatting with my aunt on my mother’s side. They’re conjoined twins.
Continue ReadingApparently, tortoises can …
Apparently, tortoises can live for 150 years, so I’ve bought one to see if it’s true.
Continue ReadingDying cats pink, what’s n …
Dying cats pink, what’s next? A Navy Seal?
Continue ReadingMen want 3 things in a wo …
Men want 3 things in a woman: An artist in the home, an economist in the kitchen and a devil in bed. What they actually get is: A devil in the home, an artist in the kitchen and an economist in bed!
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