Last night I dreamt that …
Last night I dreamt that I was captured by a pirate with trademark mouldy teeth. Said his name was Captain Plaquebeard.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Saw a flying saucer today …
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my girlfriend threw at me.
Continue ReadingHow do you kill a circus? …
How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
Continue ReadingI’m so hardcore I once ha …
I’m so hardcore I once had spring rolls during winter.
Continue ReadingThe other day, my wife to …
The other day, my wife told me I was living in the past. I thought that was a horrible thing to say, seeing as I had just bought her some Cadbury’s chocolate from Woolworths.
Continue ReadingI never respected other p …
I never respected other peoples customs. Which is why I was arrested for drug smuggling.
Continue Reading“Dr Jekyll, you can run b …
“Dr Jekyll, you can run but you can’t ……… er, ok .. forget it”.
Continue ReadingI’m 6 foot 7 so I’m alway …
I’m 6 foot 7 so I’m always looking down on people. Especially my sister, she got pregnant when she was 13.
Continue ReadingFor my wife’s birthday I …
For my wife’s birthday I got her a present that “fell off the back of a lorry” if you know what I mean. Unfortunately for her, it was a vase.
Continue Reading‘What goes around comes a …
‘What goes around comes around’. If this were true, Surely I would now be dating the slapper I’ve been asking out for the last five years.
Continue ReadingMy old Dad always used to …
My old Dad always used to say to me, never a lender or a borrower be, which was a bit odd as he was a librarian.
Continue ReadingI went skydiving with a m …
I went skydiving with a mong when his parachute failed. He didn’t seem to appreciate the gravity of the situation.
Continue ReadingI hate my job as a window …
I hate my job as a window cleaner in Provence. Aix and panes everywhere.
Continue ReadingWhy does Shane Warne neve …
Why does Shane Warne never go to bed late? So he can get up Hurley
Continue ReadingA horse walks into a bar …
A horse walks into a bar and the barman says, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “All horses have long faces, it’s a common adaptation found in many creatures evolved for long-distance running in an open-plains environment.” And the barman says, “You’ve ruined this joke.”
Continue Reading