I invested all my savings into buying a share of a new block of flats that my friend is building, only to find that my section directly overlooks Prince William’s bedroom. I’m going to sell my storey to The Sun.
Continue ReadingAdverts these days are so unrealistic eh? Just the other day I saw a Lurpack advert, where a man was in a kitchen, making himself an omelette!
Continue ReadingI walked in on The Rock doing drugs Eventually I was able to convince him to lay the smackdown
Continue ReadingI got pulled by a traffic cop last night. It was either that or get done for speeding.
Continue ReadingI went to buy a 99 from the ice-cream van this afternoon, upon arrival I realised I was 30p short, so asked Mr Whippy for a 69. It didn’t taste of vanilla.
Continue ReadingI’ve started a new trend of defacing long-necked animals with spray paint. I call it giraffiti.
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Glastonbury hopes for U2 return” Excuse me? I’ve never been…
Continue Reading“Can I have a cup of beef stock, please?” I asked the waiter. He replied “Sure, let me just boil the cattle.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between black people and Libyans? Black people aren’t happy that the Colonel’s no longer around.
Continue ReadingOrdered some stuff online the other day & I used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
Continue ReadingJust saw the Facebook group “Have you ever just looked at someone, and you just hate them?” Yes, this is exactly how I feel, and that’s why most people call me racist.
Continue ReadingLoveFilm.com: There’s no late returns fee. Good, because I’ve just flogged them all on ebay.
Continue ReadingThere is no point complaing about police brutality… We give em a whistle and a yellow flash jacket And we’re suprised when they go out clubbing !
Continue ReadingI’m taking part in an amateur unicycle event next week. I’m gonna need support.
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid I lived for football – I was either playing football or watching football. My dad said, “I think I’ll be watching you run out at Stamford Bridge when you’re grown up”. He was so wrong – he got hit by a bus a week later.
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