Police knocked at my door …
Police knocked at my door last night and said, ” Sorry for troubling you sir, but can we have a quick word?” I said, “Velocity?”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Walking down the road wit …
Walking down the road with my elderly father, I saw a stray dog walking in our direction. I petted him and allowed him to walk along with us. “You know,” I said “I’ve always wanted a dog.” “Well son” said my dad “my asthma, I can’t live with a dog!” “That’s true” I said. I […]
Continue ReadingOn a recent job applicati …
On a recent job application, the form said ‘If you could give our business a new slogan, what would it be?’ So I wrote, ‘Pigs Might Fly’. I didn’t get the job with the Police helicopter unit.
Continue ReadingWhat’s an ideal secretary …
What’s an ideal secretary? One who can take shorthand…and give it.
Continue ReadingI have a dream: a dream t …
I have a dream: a dream that one day, little black girls and little white girls will play with each other !
Continue ReadingI came home at 3am last n …
I came home at 3am last night and made loads of noise. “What are you doing down there” shouted the wife. “Im trying to bring a keg of beer up the stairs”. I replied. “Leave it down stairs till the morning” she shouted. “I can’t I’ve drunk it” I said.
Continue ReadingI just found a group on F …
I just found a group on FaceBook called “I can’t believe what this twelve year old girl was allowed to wear” Facebook making paedophilia easier since 2006
Continue ReadingMc Donalds has released a …
Mc Donalds has released a statment saying that there sponsership of the london 2012 olympics won’t harm the integrity of the games, but lane 5 and 6 will be closed off due to a childrens party.
Continue ReadingI was explaining to my ma …
I was explaining to my mate that I had a really difficult choice to make and I was struggling to decide. “Dilemma”, he said. “Why?”, I asked, “Do you think she’ll be able to help?”
Continue ReadingYou know your life’s goin …
You know your life’s going downhill when your brakes have been cut.
Continue ReadingA KLEENEZE catalogue gets …
A KLEENEZE catalogue gets put through my letter box every month, and a couple of days later a lady calls to collect it. This has been going on for years now…. ….Wouldn’t it be easier if they just sent it to her in the first place?!!
Continue ReadingEvery week I donate my sp …
Every week I donate my sperm to the bank. I’m not sure whether the cashier appreciates it though.
Continue ReadingMy boss hauled me into hi …
My boss hauled me into his office and accused me of skiving the day before. He said “you called in sick and I know you played golf.” I said “that’s nonsense and I’ve got the fish to prove it.”
Continue ReadingY G O L O H C Y S P: Reve …
Y G O L O H C Y S P: Reverse psychology
Continue ReadingMy wife said: “Can my mot …
My wife said: “Can my mother come down for the weekend?” So I said “Why?” and she said “Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already”.
Continue Reading