I bought a herb plant tod …
I bought a herb plant today, I think it’s mint.
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I know a CRACKING example …
I know a CRACKING example of thermal decomposition of hydrocarbons.
Continue ReadingIt’s OK for me to make De …
It’s OK for me to make Dead Baby jokes. One of my best friends is a dead baby.
Continue ReadingHas anyone else noticed t …
Has anyone else noticed that most cars with a sticker saying “All valuable items have been removed from this vehicle” contain clearly visible valuable items.
Continue ReadingHow do u get a whole lamb …
How do u get a whole lamb in the freezer? Take your wife out first
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a battery and a Chav? A battery has a positive side.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger? A sewing machine’s only got one bobbin
Continue ReadingI sent the wife out to ge …
I sent the wife out to get me a new top, when she returned i opened the bag to find it had a load of bisto smeared around the collar. Stupid cow….i told her to get me a new jumper and make sure it had a grey V neck….
Continue ReadingI went to the doctor’s th …
I went to the doctor’s the other week and said “You’ve got to help me out…I’m 28yrs old, losing all my hair and I’ve developed a liking for lollipops!” He said “Sounds like you’re suffering from premature kojakulation.”
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a fish w …
What do you call a fish with four eyes? Fiiiish.
Continue ReadingWent to the Salvation Arm …
Went to the Salvation Army to pick up some trousers and used boxers for the homeless lad down the road. He was thankful for the trousers but said I should keep Audley and David as they’re pretty useless.
Continue ReadingEarlier today I walked th …
Earlier today I walked through an estate where everyone was dressed like Biggles. Must be a pilot scheme.
Continue Readingconvince your neighbours …
convince your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday.
Continue ReadingI’ve just fisted my girlf …
I’ve just fisted my girlfriend’s big hole. It was an amazing feeling, seeing all her teeth crash to the floor.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me, “What’s …
My mate asked me, “What’s E.T short for?” I said, “Actually, it is 115 minutes long, which is above the average feature-length running time.”
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