I’ve just won the Lottery …
I’ve just won the Lottery, to celebrate I’m having a tattoo of my lucky winnings numbers done on my arm. 15,23, and 46.
Continue ReadingAh, payday tomorrow. Or a …
Ah, payday tomorrow. Or as I like to call it: Hangover eve.
Continue ReadingI went to see the Doctor, …
I went to see the Doctor, “You’ve got to help me Doc. I keep hearing voices in my head.” “Ok,” he replied, “Have you tried taking your headphones off?”
Continue ReadingImmigration is a very con …
Immigration is a very contentious issue, and opinions vary on its benefits. According to one poll recently, “Eez great, I ‘ave a job az a plumber.”
Continue ReadingI’m supporting my local v …
I’m supporting my local vegetarian store. So I bought a stake in it.
Continue ReadingI went to a night club la …
I went to a night club last night and I managed to take 3 girls home. Easiest 22.70 I made as a taxi driver so far.
Continue ReadingJust seen a fan page on F …
Just seen a fan page on Facebook “JOIN ONLY if you were born in 1993-1994-1995-1996-1997” Tell me, which one of you created it?
Continue ReadingBehind every successful m …
Behind every successful man there is a woman. Desperately trying to think of a way to take the credit.
Continue ReadingYou know you’ve took a wr …
You know you’ve took a wrong turn when all WiFi Networks are gang names.
Continue ReadingI just found bacteria gro …
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar. I guess there is Life on Mars.
Continue ReadingOld people, bless them. M …
Old people, bless them. My great grandfather had a fight at his allotment the other day. I went up to sort it out, but the next day it was forgotten about.
Continue ReadingOn the train? No ticket? …
On the train? No ticket? Ticket inspector approaching? Just open your mouth, dribble and bang your head against the window over and over, he won’t bother you.
Continue ReadingA Chinese teenager sold a …
A Chinese teenager sold a kidney to buy an iPad2. Sounds like a bargain they usually cost an arm and a leg
Continue ReadingGary Glitter has got over …
Gary Glitter has got over 17,000 followers in 2 days. In other news, sales of Haribo are at an all time high
Continue ReadingKids today don’t know how …
Kids today don’t know how easy they’ve got it with all this running hot and cold water, I can still remember my childhood well.
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