I work at a watersports c …
I work at a watersports centre. We’re having a sale.
Continue ReadingIf I had a billion pounds …
If I had a billion pounds for every time I underestimated… I would be a millionaire.
Continue ReadingI was lucky enough to rec …
I was lucky enough to receive my education after the end of corporal punishment in schools. My teachers never even raised a finger to me. Mind you, I was at boarding school, so I got fisted a few times.
Continue ReadingCaveman jokes never worke …
Caveman jokes never worked: “Knock! Knock!” “Come in, it’s open.”
Continue Readingautocorrect me once shame …
autocorrect me once shame on you. autocorrect me twice….and you can go duck yourself you witch!!
Continue Reading“Mr. Bond, I have a prepo …
“Mr. Bond, I have a preposition for you.” “Let’s hear it then.” “With.”
Continue ReadingI murdered my teacher wit …
I murdered my teacher with a protractor… I’m being done for 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murder.
Continue ReadingIt really hurts being lab …
It really hurts being labelled “Paedo” by my neighbours. They put it on with a staple gun.
Continue ReadingI could complain about my …
I could complain about my brother being a mute. But then I’m not one to speak.
Continue ReadingAfter living on a diet of …
After living on a diet of lager and pot noodles for the past seven days. My wife decided it was brobably best that she did the weekly shopping from now on. Oh well, I can live with that.
Continue ReadingWhen you take a shower, w …
When you take a shower, where do you put it?
Continue ReadingAn Englishman, A Scotsman …
An Englishman, A Scotsman and an Irishman. My ex’s are a joke.
Continue ReadingIN THE NEWS : Peter Sutcl …
IN THE NEWS : Peter Sutcliffe has been selling copies of CD’s and MP3s in Prison to his innmates. It seems there is no end to the Yorkshire Ripper.
Continue ReadingI was late for work today …
I was late for work today, all because I was really wrapped up in an amazing film… Thats the last time I make my own lunch and use cling film.
Continue ReadingMy mates say my girlfrien …
My mates say my girlfriend looks like a horse. I don’t think we’ll be together furlong.
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