Its funny how your parent …
Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.
Continue ReadingI’ve spent most of my lif …
I’ve spent most of my life farting into cans but i’m starting to realise I should probably stop as it’s not normal behaviour. Especially since I still haven’t received any royalties from Lynx.
Continue ReadingDon’t forget to tune in n …
Don’t forget to tune in next week for our Alzheimer’s special.
Continue ReadingI feel sorry for Euromill …
I feel sorry for Euromillions winners Chris and Colin Weir, now they’ve gone public they’re going to get all sorts of unscrupulous low life pestering them for money. “Would you like fries with that? would you like to go large for an extra 30p?….”
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny was in his …
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention. “If I gave you 20,” she began, “and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?” Johnny thought about this and then answered, “An […]
Continue ReadingTwo sharks are watching a …
Two sharks are watching a scuba diver, one says to the other “Don’t eat the bit on its back, it makes you fart”
Continue ReadingI keep seeing these girls …
I keep seeing these girls with I
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a black …
What do you call a black and white bird? Maggie Pie
Continue ReadingKFC: You could say there’ …
KFC: You could say there’s a little bit of the Colonel in every piece… And that’s why my local branch has just been shut by environmental heath officers.
Continue ReadingI asked my little boy wha …
I asked my little boy what he wanted to be when he was older. He thought about it for a second and replied: “Six foot, three.”
Continue ReadingI suppose I am a sore los …
I suppose I am a sore loser. I lost trying to fend off a rapist.
Continue ReadingMy Doctor gave me some so …
My Doctor gave me some soul destroying news earlier. I’ve got athletes foot.
Continue ReadingI love throwing things at …
I love throwing things at the fan and watching them fly across the room. Thats why im not allowed to touch the cat anymore.
Continue ReadingI had to undergo an emerg …
I had to undergo an emergency marrow transplant yesterday. It was too late though, my vegetable soup was ruined.
Continue ReadingThey say curiosity killed …
They say curiosity killed the cat… but really I think it was my knife that did it.
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