I had to cancel my trip t …
I had to cancel my trip to Germany due to my crippling fear of sausages. It’s the wurst.
Continue ReadingThe Kraut stood on the ra …
The Kraut stood on the railway line The engine gave a squeal The driver took an oily rag And wiped him off the wheel
Continue ReadingI really wanted to finger …
I really wanted to finger the missus but my thumb opposed.
Continue ReadingI caught my wife and neig …
I caught my wife and neighbour today. I was crushed.
Continue ReadingThere’s been a fight in t …
There’s been a fight in the biscuit tin, a lad called Rocky hit a Penguin over the head with a Club, tied him to a Wagon Wheel with a Blue Ribbon and made his Breakaway in a Taxi. Police say Rocky was last seen just After Eight in Maryland with a Ginger Nut known to […]
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between women and whisky? Whisky carries on getting tastier after it’s 14 years old.
Continue ReadingI took my kid down to the …
I took my kid down to the local park this morning, I was thrown out, apparently baby goats arent allowed to graze there
Continue ReadingHad a letter from the Job …
Had a letter from the Job Centre asking me to attend an interview at the Benefit fraud department. I thought that’s a bit strange, because I didn’t even apply for a job down there.
Continue ReadingI was watching my wife on …
I was watching my wife on the toilet earlier when I thought, “She should use a stepladder if she can’t reach the lightbulb.”
Continue ReadingI always pull fat women a …
I always pull fat women and they all seem to say the same thing. “Stop pulling me”
Continue ReadingSo there i was on the pav …
So there i was on the pavement on my knees,begging the wife for forgiveness… Which was ironic,because it was curb crawling that had got me into trouble in the first place.
Continue ReadingOur band is called “Zero …
Our band is called “Zero Memory Laptop” We’ve got no gigs.
Continue ReadingJust become a father for …
Just become a father for the first time, if my baby is crying does it mean I am doing something wrong or am I just rubbish in bed?
Continue Reading“We bread our chicken wit …
“We bread our chicken with the same utensils you use to eat it” KFC proudly proclaim in their most recent magazine ad. Well their last ad suggested they’ve been licking their fingers so I’m sticking with Burger King.
Continue ReadingWhen I was younger my mum …
When I was younger my mum came home to find my hamster was dead. Not wanting me to get upset she ran down to the pet shop and got a new one that was very similar, hoping that I wouldn’t notice… But I did, and I killed that one too…
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