“Police are appealing to …
“Police are appealing to the public.” I think you’ll find they aren’t.
Continue ReadingMy friend bet me 20 quid …
My friend bet me 20 quid that I couldn’t finish my dessert in less than 20 seconds. It was a piece of cake.
Continue ReadingAfter winning the klepto …
After winning the klepto archery tournament I took a well-deserved bow.
Continue ReadingFor a change, I went to s …
For a change, I went to see the local farmer to get some milk, although I’ve got to say, I prefer cow’s.
Continue ReadingMost people think that ca …
Most people think that camouflage is the most effective type of army uniform. Personally, I can’t see it myself.
Continue ReadingTried an underwater fruit …
Tried an underwater fruit the other day. Just sublime.
Continue ReadingI gave my wife crabs. The …
I gave my wife crabs. They’ll keep her company at the bottom of our garden pond.
Continue ReadingSome funny looking bloke …
Some funny looking bloke just fell out the sky and offered me a great deal on freeview TV. Extraterrestrial.
Continue ReadingMy teacher said, “If you …
My teacher said, “If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.” I said, “I don’t know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.”
Continue ReadingAll day I’ve been pretend …
All day I’ve been pretending I’m different types of wood. I’m board now.
Continue ReadingSuarez and Evra. Still a …
Suarez and Evra. Still a better love story than twilight.
Continue ReadingTop Tip Girls date a zo …
Top Tip Girls date a zombie. He’ll love you for your Brains.
Continue ReadingMy wife was furious after …
My wife was furious after I invested in stocks for her. “This was a much better idea than taking you to the cinema,” I replied, as I threw another rancid tomato at her face.
Continue ReadingI must say that was the b …
I must say that was the best Sunday lunch I’ve had all week.
Continue ReadingMy daughter is eighteen y …
My daughter is eighteen years old but is a very late developer. She’s had three warnings from her supervisor at Jessops this month alone.
Continue Reading