I hate being asked if I’v …
I hate being asked if I’ve had any “past experience.” Is there any other kind?
Continue ReadingMy mate couldn’t recall w …
My mate couldn’t recall what muscles contracted in the chest when breathing. So I showed him a diaphragm.
Continue ReadingI don’t like using the th …
I don’t like using the the forum of the ‘we love sewing materials’ website. Too many threads.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Judge Judy. “OBJECTION”, I screamed.
Continue ReadingYou could always tell who …
You could always tell who were the the rich kids and who were the poor kids at school. The rich kids would come back with a new rucksack and a tan, and the poor kids would come back with a black eye and a new surname.
Continue ReadingMy wife giggled when I sa …
My wife giggled when I said, “I’ve got something for you!” Her mood turned when I spat in her face and said, “Contempt”.
Continue ReadingMy wife accused me of hat …
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I replied, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”
Continue ReadingI treat my wife like a ‘m …
I treat my wife like a ‘magic 8 ball’…. I shake her violently until I get the answer I want!
Continue ReadingI heard that companies ar …
I heard that companies are starting to make belts with a clockface on the buckle. But I think it’s just a waist of time.
Continue ReadingIf you can only go left o …
If you can only go left or right, and you know that left isn’t right, then by a process of elimination, right must be right because it’s the only way left.
Continue ReadingA primary school teacher …
A primary school teacher asks one of her students, “Dave, what do you want to be when you grow up?” “A plumber, miss,” replies Dave proudly. The teacher laughs, “But you don’t know what a plumber does! And will you be able to carry all the heavy tools?” Dave replies, “Yes miss, I visited some […]
Continue ReadingWhenever I go into the to …
Whenever I go into the toilet after my wife there is always a strong scent of air freshener. I’m so glad she likes her new perfume.
Continue Readingwhats old and tasty? naan …
whats old and tasty? naan bread
Continue ReadingA customer at the Tesco’s …
A customer at the Tesco’s fresh fish counter marvelled at the fishmonger’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Fishmonger, what makes you so brainy?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” the fishmonger replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you […]
Continue ReadingDwarves are often born wi …
Dwarves are often born with an extra toe. It’s a little gnome fact.
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