My wife thinks I’m too no …
My wife thinks I’m too nosey; at least, that’s what she wrote in her diary and texted to all her mates.
Continue ReadingNever judge a book by its …
Never judge a book by its cover. Judge it by its reviews on Amazon.
Continue ReadingI’m more confused than a …
I’m more confused than a Welsh postman.
Continue ReadingMy car broke down on my w …
My car broke down on my way to work this morning. It was really disturbing to see it cry.
Continue ReadingBreaking a car window to …
Breaking a car window to steal CDs is the Old Skool way to download music.
Continue ReadingSurely if Alpecin works, …
Surely if Alpecin works, you would end up with really hairy hands?
Continue ReadingI’ve named my dog “Cash R …
I’ve named my dog “Cash Reward”‘ so if it ever goes missing and I put up posters people will look for him, but I won’t have to pay up when he’s found.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife are going …
Me and the wife are going to be on channel 4’s ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ next week Or as I’m calling it, ‘Which Dog should I Keep?’
Continue ReadingHi my names Cliff. You sh …
Hi my names Cliff. You should drop over sometime.
Continue ReadingI cheated on my wife with …
I cheated on my wife with a gorgeous young weather-girl. My judgement was clouded.
Continue ReadingI looked out the window t …
I looked out the window this morning to see that every house on the road opposite had fallen over, one by one. Police believe it was triggered by an explosion at the Domino’s pizza shop.
Continue ReadingMy father always said nei …
My father always said neither a borrower nor a lender be. That’s why he was fired from the mortgage department at Natwest.
Continue ReadingBought an Ant farm, don’t …
Bought an Ant farm, don’t know where I’m going to get tractors that small.
Continue ReadingThose people who say that …
Those people who say that a short sharp shock treatment, will often do you some good …. Obviously haven’t been mugged by a pigmy, armed with a knife and taser gun.
Continue ReadingOnce you turn 18. You can …
Once you turn 18. You can legally do all the things you’ve been doing since you were 14.
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