QJOQ

Grappling hooks…….. …….they’ll never catch on

Took my dog to have him put down. The vet took one look at him and said,”You’re a mongrel” Seriously, 85 quid. I could have insulted him better myself.

DJ Baby P can’t mix tapes, but Madeleine McCann.

I was chucked out of a seance last night. The medium asked if I had a spirit guide and I said “Yes, it’s Trevor at Bargain Booze.”

My grandma spends most of the time listening to her new wireless. She hasn’t yet got the hang of the Internet.

I was in a football match the other day. “It’s a draw!” Shouted the ref, as a wooden piece of furniture got hurled onto the pitch.

The secret cannabis farm at the end of my street has caught fire. There’s a high police presence in the area right now.