I went into the Little Gi …
I went into the Little Girl’s room at the cinema yesterday. There were no girls, just toilets.
Continue ReadingAll generalisations are f …
All generalisations are false
Continue ReadingHaving rhythm is importan …
Having rhythm is important, I had that drummed into me from an early age.
Continue ReadingI got some herbs out of t …
I got some herbs out of the cupboard and held them up to the mirror. I needed some thyme to reflect.
Continue ReadingThere are some gypsies in …
There are some gypsies in my front garden… Moving on.
Continue ReadingSnow. Turning ‘status up …
Snow. Turning ‘status update’, into ‘weather update’ since 29/11/10.
Continue ReadingSo a truck full of Marmit …
So a truck full of Marmite crash and spilled everywhere. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Continue Readingmy wife wants me to stop …
my wife wants me to stop beating her i beat her all the time, in the living room, in the bedroom and everywhere i beat her so harshly she starts crying she is a sore looser at snakes and ladders
Continue ReadingAA Route Planner really n …
AA Route Planner really needs to start its directions at number five – I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood thanks.
Continue ReadingDon’t talk to me about pl …
Don’t talk to me about plagiarism. I mostly wrote the book on plagiarism.
Continue ReadingAn African child dies fro …
An African child dies from starvation every three seconds. On the plus side, that’s less money I need to give to Children In Need next year.
Continue ReadingSo Primark has pulled pad …
So Primark has pulled padded bikinis for 7 year olds, now my niece has nothing to go with her crotchless pants.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t decide whether …
I couldn’t decide whether to start a career at the sperm bank, or in telecommunications. So I compromised and got a job at Siemen’s.
Continue ReadingNoel Coward is a celebrat …
Noel Coward is a celebrated playwright. His christian name is French for christmas. His surname is French for soldier.
Continue ReadingThis year I’ve decided to …
This year I’ve decided to have a marquee put up in my garden with some funky music & flashing lights in. Now is the winter of my disco tent.
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