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It helps to be optimistic if you’re a smoker. That way, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

It is a well known fact that eventually, birthdays kill us. Especially when a stick of dynamite is used instead of a candle.

Last night I was at a party for brittle bone disease sufferers. Breakdancing was the norm.

I’ve decided to move to Saudi Arabia to open a bar that sells only milk sheikh’s

The local paedophile was arrested for washing and cutting children’s hair. Police say he was grooming them.

A woman came round to the flat today to buy my vibrator. I buzzed her in.

My girlfriend told me that I’m too violent and that I ‘treat her like an object’ So, in an effort to prove her wrong, I punched her in the face. Which kind of defeated the object.