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KFC have decided that due to the current economic climate its employees will receive chicken instead of a pay rise. Strike action is expected after workers described the pay increase as “paltry”.

I’ve hired my wife a plane for the day. She’s got 24 hours to fix that table now.

To tell you the truth, I’m a compulsive liar….

I knew my job in the local butchers was coming to an end. I could feel it in my bones.

I was in Spearmint Rhino and this girl asked “How about a private dance?” so I said “I would, but I have no sense of rythm.”

A mate just asked me if I like Placebo? Doesn’t really do anything for me.

Gently tapping the wife on the back of the head earlier. “Knock it off,” she said. Big mistake.

I changed the gradient on my treadmill, I felt inclined.