Make shopping in Curry’s …
Make shopping in Curry’s more fun by changing the channel on the TVs to Sky Channel 912.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Man attacked ou …
BBC News: Man attacked outside Edinburgh’s Karma Nights club Apparently he had it coming.
Continue ReadingI have an imaginary dog w …
I have an imaginary dog which is cool because I can see it and no-one else can, bit like the opposite of a guide dog really.
Continue ReadingI’ve been done. Just been …
I’ve been done. Just been to DFS and bought a sofa. Turns out it’s their normal price month.
Continue Reading“What’s done cannot be un …
“What’s done cannot be undone.” They obviously didn’t have shoelaces in Shakespeare’s day.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend fell into a …
My girlfriend fell into a vat of liquid nitrogen. I soon snapped her out of it.
Continue ReadingI used to get laughed at …
I used to get laughed at a lot at work until the other day, when I decided to invert the contents of the cafe. Oh how the tables have turned.
Continue ReadingI believe that a person w …
I believe that a person who fancies both men and women should be treated exactly the same as anyone else… Bi rights.
Continue ReadingWoman phones an ambulance …
Woman phones an ambulance woman “you gotta help me, my waters just broke!” emergency services “calm down. tell me, where are you ringing from?” woman “the waist down!”
Continue ReadingThe scarecrow was very ef …
The scarecrow was very effective. Now we have starlings.
Continue ReadingI hate my internet provid …
I hate my internet provider. It may be Virgin, but it keeps going down on me.
Continue ReadingDisneyland! Jobs availabl …
Disneyland! Jobs available. Positions available in the “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves” tourist shop due to short staff.
Continue ReadingThe biggest challenge for …
The biggest challenge for the runners in the London Olympics will be identifying the right starting gunshot.
Continue ReadingI had a dream last night …
I had a dream last night that our local Market had shrunk. I woke up and thought, “That’s a little Bazaar.”
Continue ReadingI did my first stand-up g …
I did my first stand-up gig last night. Normally I sit down.
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