Christ, if Sickipedia is …
Christ, if Sickipedia is crashing this much now, imagine what it’s going to be like when she dies…
Continue ReadingA young guy turns up at a …
A young guy turns up at a hotel reception: “I’d like a single room, please.” “Certainly, sir,” says the receptionist. “With bath or shower?” The guy is a bit short of cash, so he asks, “What’s the difference?” “You have to stand in the shower,” says the receptionist.
Continue ReadingIt’s good to see sickiped …
It’s good to see sickipedia is really enforcing the one joke per hour rule. By making sure that it takes over an hour to upload two lines of text.
Continue ReadingAfter spending hours look …
After spending hours looking through my drawers, I’ve finally found a pair of socks that don’t have holes in. Now that’s sorted, I’ve just got to find a way to get them on.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend recently au …
My girlfriend recently auditioned to become an adult performer. When the police showed up, she had to act like she was an adult.
Continue ReadingThe other day my six-year …
The other day my six-year-old son said: “When I grow up, I want to get the highest score on Sickipedia.” I said: “You can’t do both.”
Continue ReadingMy best friend just got a …
My best friend just got a tattoo of an abacus on his face. I can always count on him.
Continue ReadingHow many black policemen …
How many black policemen are praying that all the good stuff isn’t gone before their day off?
Continue ReadingI was battering a fish wh …
I was battering a fish when I thought, “Surely this is animal cruelty”
Continue ReadingI always get the urge to …
I always get the urge to tell fart jokes, but I never follow through with it.
Continue ReadingI walked into the newsage …
I walked into the newsagents and asked if they sold Oyster Cards. The cashier said, “For the bus?” I said, “No, it’s my oyster’s birthday.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just moved in with m …
I’ve just moved in with my significant other, who is black. It’s true what they say; once you go black, you can’t get credit.
Continue ReadingAfter falling overboard o …
After falling overboard on a cruise ship, I awoke on an Island surrounded by mountains made of cake and rivers of custard. I think it was a dessert Island.
Continue ReadingI have no super powers. T …
I have no super powers. The only thing close to a super power I have is that i’m invisible to bartenders.
Continue ReadingI firebombed a funeral pr …
I firebombed a funeral procession today. I love the smell of napalm in the mourning.
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