I got really angry trying …
I got really angry trying to carry my memory foam mattress up the stairs, but in the end I learned to control my Tempur.
Continue ReadingI don’t understand why Ph …
I don’t understand why Physicists say that it’s impossible to produce anything faster than the speed of light. I just recorded a video of my torch light and managed to fast forward it without any complications.
Continue ReadingWhen I was at school, I h …
When I was at school, I had a teacher who had a nervous tick… so everyone got really good marks.
Continue ReadingThe letter M is very rare …
The letter M is very rare in the English language. You only see it once in a Blue Moon!
Continue ReadingJust heard a joke about a …
Just heard a joke about a Milkman. Must be doing the rounds at the moment.
Continue ReadingI’ve just applied for a j …
I’ve just applied for a job at Royal Mail. I think I’ll get the post.
Continue ReadingI lit the candles, poured …
I lit the candles, poured some wine, and asked my girl, “Any chance you’re up for some mutual masturbation?” She replied, “Let’s duet.”
Continue ReadingThe main issues with maki …
The main issues with making your own toothpaste are finding a strong enough blender, and enough teeth that people don’t need.
Continue ReadingWhere do yahoo get their …
Where do yahoo get their headlines from? I just read “Dutch among lowest cannabis users in Europe…” What tomorrow? “America has the lowest BMI on the planet…” “Britain has the least migrants in the world…” “Muslim women catch the most sun…” The mind boggles!
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the Sw …
Did you hear about the Swiss kid who entered the Special Needs press up contest? Well he won it. Hans Down.
Continue ReadingAdvice from the Met Offic …
Advice from the Met Office: “If possible stay out of the heat during the middle part of the day; cool yourself down; keep your environment cool and look out for others, especially older people, those living alone and babies and young children.” Talk about stating the obvious! That’s who I normally target.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate were tryin …
Me and my mate were trying to convince two hot birds we weren’t builders but in the end the cracks were showing.
Continue ReadingI need to tell someone ab …
I need to tell someone about my coconut touching fetish. But I’m feeling a little shy.
Continue ReadingSo I was laying in bed wi …
So I was laying in bed with my girlfriend last night, when I decided to ‘check-in’ using my Facebook app. It was then that I saw, so had 29 others.
Continue ReadingI had a tough decision to …
I had a tough decision to make at the hairdresser’s the other day. I’m a huge Pulp Fiction fan and was umming and ahhing about whether to go for hair like John Travolta’s, or something more like Samuel L Jackson’s. The barber suggested I just go with the ‘fro.
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