At work, my boss always a …
At work, my boss always abuses his power. He has ten appliances plugged into a single socket.
Continue ReadingDid it really take all th …
Did it really take all that extra staff at the Nat West a whole weekend to turn the computer on & off?
Continue ReadingSpiderman’s only fear = R …
Spiderman’s only fear = Rolled up newspaper man.
Continue ReadingI placed an advert in the …
I placed an advert in the job centre for a ‘PVC Specialist’ All the applicants arrived in bondage suits and gimp masks… maybe I should have added that we also make conservatories in Wood and Aluminium.
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t touch the metr …
I wouldn’t touch the metric system with a 3.048m barge pole.
Continue ReadingWhenever I hear about a w …
Whenever I hear about a whale washing up on a beach, I always wonder how big the rubber gloves must have been.
Continue ReadingI went to a seminar about …
I went to a seminar about building temporary roads. Made my own way home
Continue ReadingI was watching TV with th …
I was watching TV with the wife in the lounge. I could hear my daughters making a right racket in their bedroom. I shouted, “Knock it off! Don’t make me come, down there”. My wife turned to me and said “They’re upstairs dear”, I think she misunderstood what i was threatening them with.
Continue ReadingI accidentally mistook Cl …
I accidentally mistook Clearasil for toothpaste; my teeth are spotless.
Continue ReadingI don’t mind trigonometry …
I don’t mind trigonometry problems. Normally only takes me a few secs.
Continue ReadingI just bought an Igloo fr …
I just bought an Igloo from IKEA. 200 litres of water (freezer not included).
Continue ReadingInstead of giving me a ha …
Instead of giving me a handjob, my girlfriend tried using her keyring… I felt like I was being fobbed off.
Continue ReadingJust had some Walkers cri …
Just had some Walkers crisps. Nicked them out of his Berghaus rucksack.
Continue ReadingJust seen the facebook gr …
Just seen the facebook group “i bet females can reach 1 million before males” This made me think, women are that desperate to beat us, all they could think of doing was joining a facebook group. But then i decided to beat my wife into making me a huge dinner, just to make me feel […]
Continue ReadingThe Smart Car The only ca …
The Smart Car The only car so small there’s not enough room inside for you to change your mind.
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