I was in a crowded pub wi …
I was in a crowded pub with my mate, when he suddenly sprayed me with fluorescent paint. Wish he’d stop showing me up like that.
Continue ReadingMy mother in law was kick …
My mother in law was kicked by my horse, she dies from the injury. There are lots of people at the funeral, even from other towns as well. My friend asked me surprisingly if my mother in law was loved by so many people? No, I replied. They all wanna buy my horse…
Continue ReadingIf Children In Need reall …
If Children In Need really did make a difference then I doubt we would need to keep having it every year.
Continue Reading10% of all accidents on t …
10% of all accidents on the road are caused by people who have been drinking. So 90% of accidents are caused by people who are stone cold sober? It’s about time the government clamped down on sober driving.
Continue ReadingPeople who shake tins in …
People who shake tins in the street for churches..Don’t they beggar belief?
Continue ReadingSentences. It’s the ones …
Sentences. It’s the ones that can’t write them, who serve them.
Continue ReadingThe last 10 fancy dress p …
The last 10 fancy dress parties I’ve been to I’ve gone as a shark The joke is wearing fin
Continue ReadingI had an argument with th …
I had an argument with the wife last night that went on for over an hour, so I shot her in the head with my bow and arrow. It was a bit extreme but at least I got my point across.
Continue ReadingSome people just need a h …
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.
Continue ReadingWhen I was younger one of …
When I was younger one of my teeth fell out while my Auntie Anne was babysitting for me. She noticed I had placed my tooth under my pillow along with a spliff. She said, “I don’t think the tooth fairy will be wanting a spliff.” I replied, “Yes she will, she’s a rasta fairy Anne.”
Continue ReadingI’m not saying my son’s a …
I’m not saying my son’s a born pedant, but even as a young child, he would play correct-the-dots.
Continue ReadingA bloke takes his new car …
A bloke takes his new car back the garage. “I don’t understand it,” he says, “every time I drive past a vicar there’s a beep and number comes up on the instrument panel.” “Don’t worry about that,” replies the dealer, “that’s just the rev counter.”
Continue ReadingI used to have a Fox and …
I used to have a Fox and an Ox, but now only have an Ox due to the fact I lost my F’in Fox.
Continue ReadingI got home from work and …
I got home from work and there was a note on the kitchen table from my wife. It read: ‘Gone to see a Psychiatrist, your brussel sprouts on toast is in the washing machine.’
Continue ReadingIm so proud of the mrs sh …
Im so proud of the mrs she just got 5-5-6 in her s.a.t.s
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