My missus stubbed her toe so I carried her into the hospital. I asked, “How bad is it doc?” He said, “Your going to have to put her down.” I said, “Oh dear, did you hear that Sheila? We’re going to have to put you down.”
Continue ReadingIf my mother was alive today, she’d tell me: “Son…stop telling people that I am dead.”
Continue ReadingSo I’m trekking through the woods and….. Hang on, bear with me…
Continue ReadingI used to go out with an epileptic pirate. I loved the way she shook her booty.
Continue ReadingIf you dont shake properly after going to the toilet, then urine trouble
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a man with a Boulder on his head? Dead.
Continue ReadingThe Daily Mail has described Katie Price as tight-lipped about not revealing her attacker’s name. Not the best choice of words.
Continue ReadingDid you hear about the two dyslexics who were arrested for throwing black people from the top of Niagra Falls?
Continue ReadingThe toughest thing about getting a new phone is teaching it all my swear words.
Continue ReadingGingers are a lot like silver X-box live. They get around and talk but they never get invited to parties.
Continue ReadingSo now Kim-Jong Il, Gadaffi and Bin Laden are now dead. Only 4 more horcruxes to go before Ruport Murdoch can be destroyed!
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a cat without whiskers? Hungry.
Continue ReadingMy wife left the computer for a few seconds and came back in accusing me of tampering with her emails! I quickly changed the subject.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a plasticine man that goes around molesting children? A Play-doh phile…
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between killing babies and Sickipedia’s new scoring system? Killing babies makes perfect sense.
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