I was driving down the ro …
I was driving down the road earlier, when somebody on the pavement shouted at me, “Taxi!” So I shouted back, “Pedestrian!”
Continue ReadingJust got kicked out of Ha …
Just got kicked out of Harvester, Apparently ‘Steak & BJ Day’ doesn’t count at restaurants!
Continue ReadingI went to a really posh s …
I went to a really posh school. In fact, the school was so posh that the Gym was called James.
Continue ReadingThe wife and I have just …
The wife and I have just had a baby, I heard her talking to her friend today in the Lounge. She said,”Last night, he got up at 12am as he wanted some food and then he was up again at 2am because he had wet himself. Next thing you know at 4am he is up […]
Continue ReadingI love driving past stran …
I love driving past stranded motorists, I can’t help but drive past honking my horn, waving and laughing at them, then driving off with a smug look on my face knowing they’ll be there for hours. Maybe why my bosses at the AA want me in for a disciplinary meeting.
Continue ReadingI’ve just chucked out my …
I’ve just chucked out my flatmate for continually stealing my hot chocolate drinks. He left me with very little Options.
Continue ReadingBetter late than never. P …
Better late than never. Period.
Continue ReadingMix your metaphors, it’s …
Mix your metaphors, it’s not rocket surgery.
Continue ReadingI won’t be using my fault …
I won’t be using my faulty bathroom scales anymore. I’ve seen the error of my weighs.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t work out how s …
I couldn’t work out how someone could hypnotise me, but then I realised the answer was staring me in the face.
Continue ReadingThe wife made some cupcak …
The wife made some cupcakes yesterday. Total disaster. Turned to mush as soon you put tea in them.
Continue ReadingUp to 1,500 people are go …
Up to 1,500 people are going to be made redundant by train builder Bombardier after a key contract was awarded to a German firm. The firm’s employees are not chuffed.
Continue ReadingI was driving down the ro …
I was driving down the road when I ran over some hummus. A little further on, I hit taramasalata. Then I saw a road sign: ‘Caution – dips in road’
Continue ReadingWhen I was a kid my Mum a …
When I was a kid my Mum always used to say “Be a good boy and go and play with all the other children”. I can’t be blamed for her not telling me when to stop.
Continue ReadingEverytime my daughter get …
Everytime my daughter gets undressed she leaves her bedroom door open about 3 inches. I find it highly annoying and I don’t know why she does it. I can’t get my head around it.
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