I went to my first footba …
I went to my first football match the other day. I wasn’t keen: it was so noisy, I couldn’t even hear the commentary.
Continue ReadingMy wife expects far too m …
My wife expects far too much from me.This morning she shouted, before she left for work, “Remember to get cat’s litter.” Now I have to follow some fat tart around Albert Square hoping she drops some empty crisp packets.
Continue ReadingA homeless man came up to …
A homeless man came up to me and said, ”Will suck for money!” I thought about and said, ”yeah, why not!” He stunk of urine but my carpet hasn’t been that clean in years.
Continue ReadingWelcome to Sickipedia. Wh …
Welcome to Sickipedia. Where bad news is good news.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe Laura Rob …
I can’t believe Laura Robson has been knocked out of Wimbledon, before I even had a chance to knock one out over Laura.
Continue ReadingMy wife’s going on a vaca …
My wife’s going on a vacation to ‘get a break from my constant jealousy’. I wish I was going on a vacation..
Continue ReadingBeer mat flipping – the t …
Beer mat flipping – the true sign of a failing conversation.
Continue ReadingI hate those pictures of …
I hate those pictures of women with their pants pulled up right tight. Think I’m cameltoes intolerant.
Continue ReadingI hate to use a cliche, b …
I hate to use a cliche, but ‘I hate to use a cliche’ is becoming quite a cliche
Continue ReadingThe closest I ever come t …
The closest I ever come to recycling is doing the same route every day on my mountain bike.
Continue ReadingSomeone in my house must …
Someone in my house must think I’m stupid, swapping the contents of my biscuit tin for fireworks… I nearly dipped a rocket in my tea.
Continue Readinglike all honest, hardwork …
like all honest, hardworking people nowadays… Im white.
Continue ReadingThe camera in my daughter …
The camera in my daughter’s bathroom is for safety purposes only. I can’t risk going on those websites anymore.
Continue ReadingThe school Career’s Advis …
The school Career’s Adviser is speaking to Johns dad. “Frankly,” he said, “Your son is rude, churlish,vacant with an intelligence level bordering on moronic. On the rare occasions that I can extract a response from him, inevitably it is monosyllabic….. We think he has a great future ahead of him selling trainers in Sports Direct
Continue ReadingI logged onto a website c …
I logged onto a website called “911 Jokes” this morning. Some of them were pretty amusing, but I don’t think the guy who built the site can count.
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