I asked my son today what he wanted to be when he grows up. He says he wants to be a fireman. I asked him if he had an urge to help people and save lives but he replied ”no Daddy, I just like watching people burn to death”. He is such a character.
Continue ReadingA woman asked me to make a donation for the innocent victims of war today. I gave her a pocket full of shrapnel.
Continue ReadingI was talking to my mum, ”What about that pretty girl of yours?” she asks. ”Who, Amber? I said. ”Yeah, I’ve been hearing a lot of noise coming from upstairs lately.” she said smiling. ”We broke up a 2 weeks ago mum.” I said. ”I know!” she said laughing, ”You’ve been in your room crying […]
Continue Reading“Everyone makes mistakes.” That’s why my son is an only child
Continue ReadingSomething came into my head the other day. I do love a bit of oral.
Continue ReadingHad quite a nasty crash this morning. Thankfully however im not a woman so I just turned the computer off and back on again and everything was fine
Continue ReadingDo illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet spaghetti?
Continue ReadingBarack Obama held an official Whitehouse reception in honour David Beckham’s team winning the mls cup. The president asked him: “Where’s the trophy?” Becks replied: “She’s at home looking after the kids.”
Continue ReadingI got arrested for hitting my wife with a golf club today. I just wanted to putt her in her place.
Continue ReadingI’ve still not really got the hang of Twitter. I tend to share too much information with people and I wear my wife’s knickers.
Continue ReadingGoths. Save money on black nail varnish by hitting your fingernails with a claw hammer.
Continue ReadingApparently Stephen Hawking is to run a marathon. Is he off his trolley?
Continue ReadingI was recently noticing strange happenings in the home, I’d wake up and furniture had moved, lights were on, and many other different strange things. My mate referred me to an exorcist, now, I didn’t believe in the idea he could do anything but, I was willing to try anything. To my surprise, he was […]
Continue ReadingI went up to this guy and told him to pick up a twig. The man said “Are you coming on to me?” I replied “Mate, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick!”
Continue ReadingTwitter-The best thing to happen to stalkers since binoculars!
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