“I just climbed to the to …
“I just climbed to the top of the world’s highest mountain,” I told my mate. “Everest?” he asked. “About every hundred feet,” I said.
Continue ReadingMy 12 year old son and I …
My 12 year old son and I were arguing about the vertebral column today… I told him never to talk back to me!
Continue ReadingMy friend has had her kid …
My friend has had her kids taken away after social services said she isn’t a fit mother. Personally, I reckon she’s bang tidy.
Continue ReadingI don’t like jokes about …
I don’t like jokes about pointlessly small memory sticks one bit.
Continue ReadingA police recruit was aske …
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said: “Call for backup.”
Continue ReadingGirl serving me in the ca …
Girl serving me in the cafe had a badge saying “Tracy Waitress” What’s the odds on having the same surname as your job?
Continue ReadingI just walked past my boo …
I just walked past my bookcase and heard it say “Whoa! I can hold stuff!” It was a moment of shelf awareness.
Continue ReadingI told my boyfriend we’re …
I told my boyfriend we’re about to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet. He said “What, you mean you’re pregnant?”. I said “No, I’ve just superglued the hamsters’tail to it’s wheel”.
Continue ReadingMy son’s school teacher r …
My son’s school teacher rang me today. “Your son didn’t turn up for school today?” he exclaimed. “Well, he’s being bullied,” I replied. “Really?” he gasped. “Tell him to come and see me and we’ll sort it out.” “He’s locked himself in his room,” I replied. “I shaved his eyebrows off and shat in his […]
Continue ReadingCommuters, give away the …
Commuters, give away the sad fact that your life consists of nothing but repetetive routine by standing at the exact point on the platform where the subway train doors will open
Continue ReadingBBC News; What does your …
BBC News; What does your profile picture say about you? Mine says I’m “NOT” a 40 year old paedophile and rather that I am a teenage girl.
Continue ReadingPopularity is what people …
Popularity is what people strive for when they lack the strength to be themselves.
Continue ReadingSpent the weekend going t …
Spent the weekend going through all my old computers in the loft. So many memories.
Continue ReadingWhats a blind persons fav …
Whats a blind persons favorite liquor? Brailleys.
Continue ReadingI walked into McDonald’s …
I walked into McDonald’s today and asked for a Chicken Legend. The cashier winked informatively and said “Did you know…that if you cut the head off a chicken…it’ll keep running?”
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