When I was a kid, I was looking inside my dad’s closet and I was shocked to find out that he secretly stashed pantyhose in a special drawer. And even though it took him a while, eventually he was able convince me that he only uses it when he robs banks and breaks into apartments.
Continue ReadingWhenever I write something on facebook, it always seems like I am talking to a wall.
Continue ReadingApparently 80% of people who have cosmetic surgery are disappointed by the results. Which is a bit odd, because most of them look pleasantly surprised.
Continue ReadingEarlier, I ate a load of photons It was a light lunch
Continue ReadingI simply don’t believe the police when they say those responsible for trafficking children are extremely difficult to detect. Only today I spotted one near a school, wearing a bright yellow jacket, standing next to a stick shaped like a lollipop.
Continue ReadingThe guy who lives on the farm next to me just put some strange metal wire around his field. For the last few days I just couldn’t put my finger on it, and when I finally did I was shocked!
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Ryanair pull out of Belfast City” The only bigger disappointment was when Michael O’Leary’s dad failed to pull out…
Continue ReadingBBC News: Stormot to hold NI abuse enquiry The famous Knights are still said to be in shock from the ordeal.
Continue ReadingI came home from work to find my wife laying in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. I said, “Are you OK?” She said, “Do I look OK?” I said, “Well not really … to be honest, that t-shirt is a bit tight around your belly and your hair looks terrible”
Continue ReadingNow we are divorced, my wife has returned to using her maiden name of Bach and it’s only now I realise that the relationship was only ever going to turn out one way for me. I wish I’d never married Helen.
Continue ReadingI can smell something burning…… I probably should get up and have a look, but I think the smoke alarm will let me know if it’s important.
Continue ReadingEveryday working in the chainsaw factory i seemed to accidentally cut off my own body parts. First my arms, then my legs and then even my torso!? Enough was enough and i decided to quit while i was ahead.
Continue ReadingTwo cannibals are talking. – I don’t like my mother-in-law… – That’s fine, mate, just eat the chips then.
Continue ReadingBilly Ocean – The new face and sponser of Vaseline, Because love really hurts without you.
Continue ReadingI know a Paki who doesn’t smell. He has Anosmia, he still stinks though.
Continue Reading