Why did the Kings of Leon …
Why did the Kings of Leon use a trombone? Their sax was on fire.
Continue ReadingDo animal rights activist …
Do animal rights activists ever try to kill two birds with one stone?
Continue ReadingSat having Sunday dinner, …
Sat having Sunday dinner, the mother-in-law remarks, “These plates look a little bit dirty?” “I think it’s our washer playing up Irene,” I replied, “My boxers were on the top shelf at the same time and they’re still stained.”
Continue ReadingParents. Avoid scarring y …
Parents. Avoid scarring your children when watching violent movies by blindfolding them and locking them in a cupboard.
Continue ReadingI was on a pub-crawl roun …
I was on a pub-crawl round town last night and I saw a young man wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan: “I fear no beer”. So I bottled him.
Continue ReadingHave you seen the new A4? …
Have you seen the new A4? It’s only 10p a sheet….
Continue ReadingHow do you make a flaming …
How do you make a flamingo? Set fire to a polo mint.
Continue ReadingI was planning to go club …
I was planning to go clubbing this weekend but decided not to. I can’t see many people buying fur coats in this weather.
Continue ReadingMy wife just came home wi …
My wife just came home with a wig in her hands. I said.” Where have you been?” She said.” I just popped out to get some fresh hair.”
Continue ReadingI found out last night th …
I found out last night the best way to hail a taxi is by flashing g-stings at the taxi drivers. Although it did work better when the wife did it.
Continue ReadingMy mate is a terrible psy …
My mate is a terrible psychiatrist. When his first patient walked in he said, “Lie down and tell me about your phobia of couches”
Continue ReadingBBC News: Man arrested ov …
BBC News: Man arrested over missing woman Imagine if he’d have hit her
Continue ReadingNever tell a woman that s …
Never tell a woman that she is over-reacting….. She’ll only over-react
Continue ReadingI saw a charity appeal on …
I saw a charity appeal on tv asking you to send 2 a month to build wells in Africa. One chap in the video had a 5 year old Chelsea shirt on. Glory hunter.
Continue ReadingI mistook the driving ran …
I mistook the driving range for the shooting range today. The golfers went mental, but I still managed to get a hole in one.
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