Don’t talk to me about th …
Don’t talk to me about the laws of probability. I opened a tin of Alphabetti Spaghetti for lunch today, and it was filled entirely with letter ‘o’s. The odds against that happening must be astronomical.
Continue ReadingI just found out we have …
I just found out we have a local library. They kept that quiet.
Continue ReadingMy wife shouted upstairs, …
My wife shouted upstairs, “Don’t forget we’re taking my mother out today.” I shouted back, “I know, I’m just cleaning my gun.”
Continue ReadingMy wife has told me to st …
My wife has told me to stop taking everything literally. She can talk.
Continue ReadingI was sitting in the pub …
I was sitting in the pub with my mate when my wife text me:’If you’re not home in 10 minutes, your dinner will be in the dog’ My mate laughed and said, “What is it?” I said, “An Alsatian.”
Continue ReadingI was in the pub last nig …
I was in the pub last night and saw this man throwing darts but everytime they wouldn’t sink into the board. I thought to myself – thats pointless!
Continue ReadingI think the media have wh …
I think the media have wheelie bin unfair to this cat woman.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you mix Sulphur, hydrogen, iodine, tellurium, phosphorous, uranium, nitrogen and Sulphour? S H I Te P U N S
Continue ReadingThe police are on my case …
The police are on my case. I wish they would get off it, I am going abroad tomorrow.
Continue ReadingI had a beautiful baby gi …
I had a beautiful baby girl this morning. Her mother’ll kill me if I can’t find it before she gets home
Continue ReadingIt amazes me that people …
It amazes me that people think Marlon King will do 18 months… …Since when has a footballer ever completed a sentence?
Continue ReadingToday I discovered I had …
Today I discovered I had developed the ability to walk through walls. Really, really thin walls.
Continue ReadingAnyone else find it ironi …
Anyone else find it ironic how professional boxers need security guards walk them to the ring?
Continue ReadingI hate being a brunette. …
I hate being a brunette. It’s just not fair.
Continue ReadingApple has released a new …
Apple has released a new app that allows iPhone users to greet each other. It’s called the iFive.
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